I haven’t been a good blogger, I regret that. I’ve been pre-occupied

The 25th of July 2010, my grandma passed away, on google.com her name is just a notice of death. In life she was much more, It’s easy to take death for granted when it’s not someone you love and hold dear. When it does happen, it puts things into perspective, then twists it around in a violent maelstrom of emotions and thoughts, for a while, its inconceivable that someone you’ve known your whole life and love so much is simply gone, not existent, what’s left is a body.

We got to see her to say our goodbyes in the hospital, that day may have been the worst in my life. Seeing her frail body, my cousins, aunts and parents around her. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. All I want is one moment more with her, to tell her what I forgot to tell her last time I saw her, “I love you grandma.” I’m not religious so I don’t believe in an afterlife.

The burial ceremony was held yesterday. I was in awe of the amount of people that came, she really was loved by many, and I don’t know if my grandma was religious towards the end. But it was a fitting tribute nonetheless. The realization that she is gone is slowly starting to get to me, I’ve began talking about her in pre-tense. It was a heavy feeling, suiting up to see her for the last time, albeit in a casket. But after the ceremony I felt content, and I could tell my cousins could feel it as well. She was rid of pain and suffering, it’s like people say, she lives on in our memories. We had a memorial for her, with a slideshow of old pictures of her and our family, we were able to laugh at our ridiculous hairdos, funny faces and remember her optimism and her laughter.

I know I will have to deal with death later on in life and I’m not looking forward to it, but until then i will continue to love the people around me, and I hope everyone knows that.

I know she won’t read this, I know it doesn’t make any difference, but I just want to say:

Te amo Abueli, nunca te olvidare.